An amazing,  rambly, vaguely-resembling-a-press-release which I just received into my inbox*

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BREATHTAKING FUNDRAISER FOR HAITI

Ireland – 20th January 2010

Aid organisations in Ireland have praised the response from the Irish public in their appeal for funds to help survivors of the earthquake in Haiti on Tuesday 12th January. 8 days on and people continue to dig deep. The vast majority give until it hurts. They do so in their own quiet way. Nobody needs to shout about their donations or what they are doing to help.

One Irishman, Michael E. Gowan, has come up with a novel way of egging on the last remaining folk who have yet to pick up the phone and call one of the aid agencies to donate a few bob. Mick has decided to breathe for 5 days for Haiti.

“I was sitting in front of the computer monitoring all the chatter on various internet sites about Haiti and to be honest, I was fucking well sick to the back teeth of so many messages about the tragedy. People were sending around links of where to donate. They were sending around pictures and news reports of all the devastation. I just couldn’t take it any more.

There was far too much talk, and not enough action. All of these bleeding hearts fucking up my chillaxed day were obviously just not fucking well donating while they were sending around all these links and what not.”

Mick’s mind went into overtime and after about a week of fevered thinking the idea for the ‘Every breath I take for Haiti’ initiative was born.

“Yes, it has quite a ring to it. I like the name of it. I came up with it myself. I should actually be given a job writing press releases to be honest, I’m that fucking good – I really am. Oh sorry, sorry got distracted there for a minute. Anyway, I am going to BREATHE for the next 5 days solid. In and out, in and out through my lovely lovely lungs. 15 breathes a minute, 900 an hour, 21600 in a day. Over 5 days that’s the best part of 108,000 breaths.

All I’m asking is people to sponsor my breathing for the next 5 days. They can do this by visiting the special donation page I have set up. At the top of the page you can read all about me and my amazing breathing and lung capacity and how awesome breathing is and whether I should stop breathing or not. I also have a Q&A section on the site. One common question people ask is what will do if my breathing is not going to reach the 108,000 breath target. Simple solution – paper bag & bit of the old hyperventilating will do the trick to get me back on target”

Potential sponsors shouldn’t be put off by the fact that Mick is asking you to sponsor something that requires no sacrifice or effort like running a marathon or fasting for 24 hours or climbing a mountain or swimming a river or having a chest wax or anything like that.

“That shouldn’t put people off at all. It’s not unreasonable to ask for sponsorship and give nothing in return for that sponsorship. It’s all in a good cause and if anyone should question this they can just FUCK OFF. I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow them right down. How FUCKING dare they question the great Michael E. Gowan. “

Michael’s website is open for donation now at www.icantbelieveitsontwitter.ie

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* May or may not be true.