December 21st 2012. That’s a significant date in the Mayan Calendar because that’s as far as they count up to. Can’t be too many people who haven’t heard something about this. The release of the film means that anyone who hasn’t will soon start to get curious. Having only a cursory smattering of facts myself about the whole thing, I decided to do a little reading on the topic. To what end you might ask? Very good question – allow me to explain.

Basically, my thought process is that by being informed I could go to see the film and sort out the fact from the fiction. Hollywood is very clever you see. I believed that I could fly if I squeezed my eyes tight and tried really hard enough. I believed that nice guys eventually got the girl. I belived in Unicorns (actually I still do, and no one will convince me otherwise). I believed in happy ever afters. Getting the picture now of someone easy to fool? That’s me. I’m not about to let Hollywood pull a fast one on such a serious topic as the end of the world. Armed with scientific fact, I could happily go to see 2012 and not come away with the weight of impending doom on my shoulders. In a fit of ebook buying one evening I was attracted to the following title:

This blurb appealed to my inner Bear Gryllis:

The purpose of this book is to help those who now agree that time is of the essence. It does this by offering a practical 2012 tool kit of how-to survival knowledge, for those who’ll be left to fend for themselves. Regardless of whether you can afford to build a bunker or can barely afford a shovel, the information in this book is designed to be equally useful. This is because the key to surviving 2012 is more about what’s in your head than what’s in your wallet.

So I plunked down my dollars on the interweb and downloaded the book.

I’m about half way through at this point. In a nutshell, there’s this undiscovered planet/brown half dwarf with pointy ears lump of rock out there. Scientists have been looking for it since the 1800′s. The writers of this book firmly believe it is out there, and will pop out from behind some black hole and head towards our solar system. Once here, it will interfere with the sun and induce a solar storm of epic proportions.

This would naturally have a big effect on our little planet’s well being. Satellite systems and communications knocked out. No more internet – OH NO!!! We’ll have floods with hundreds of millions of deaths. Disease will be rampant. Civilisation as we know will come to an end. Survivors will have to rebuild from scratch. Think Kevin Costner’s Waterworld and you’re there (what, you didn’t watch that film??). So far, so apocalypic.

Anyway, I’m reading the book and realise I’m wasting my time (can I hear a DUH). Other than satisfying a curiosity, it’s not really going to help me survive which is one of the aims of the book. When it comes down to it, I don’t think I’m the surviving kind. I reckon faced with impending doom, I’d just shrug my shoulders and sit down to a nice cup of tea and a biscuit. If I was on that plane that went down in the Andes and people survived through cannibalism, I’d have been the first to say “here, shoot me and be done with it but don’t eat my eyes or heart”.

Survival at all costs is a basic animal instinct. Sometimes you just have to accept when the game is up. Intelligence and reasoning is what marks us out from the animals.

So I’m not going to continue reading the book. I won’t be doing a “Back of fag box review to it”. Life, literally, is too short and if the shit hits the fan at some point in the future, you’ll find me with cup of tea in hand ready to face whatever the cosmos throws at me.