When I’m cleaning windows
Writing by aj@lecraic on Wednesday, 25 of June , 2008 at 11:41 pm
Flicking through the local paper this evening the headline “Driver drank window cleaner” caught my attention.
Basically, the guards were called to a bit of an argument going on outside a pub. Guy is seen driving car by guard. Guy stops the car, jumps out, gets in to the passenger seat while the passenger gets in to the driving seat. The classic “quick, you’re sober, lets swap places and the guards won’t see” trick.
Guy is taken to the garda station where:
“during an attempt to get a breath test, Coughlan sprayed window cleaner into his mouth”
Yes, window cleaner. I’m trying to picture it in my head –
“Blow into this Mr. Coughlan”.
Coughlan surveys the room, beads of sweat forming on his brow. He knows he is drunk and that anything he does now is just futile, but he doesn’t care. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots it. A gleaming bottle of Windolene with added vinegar. While the guard is distracted by a doughnut, Coughlan makes like a mouse and heads for the bottle.
Tip toeing across the room, he grimaces ever time his new Nikes squeak on the lino. After what seems like an eternity he reaches the other side of the room. Bottle in hand now, the guard still hasn’t copped what’s going - someone just sent her a really funny youtube video. Lucky for Coughlan that the bottle nozzle is “ready to fire”.
Opening wide he releases the deadly cocktail of chemicals and vinegar which induces a violent coughing fit. Hearing the commotion, the guard has to hang up in the middle of ordering a chinese take away and is in no mood for messin’…..
Anyway, they all lived happily ever after. Apart from Windolene man – he got banned for 6 years and fined €750. No mention of any adverse affects from the Windolene though 
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Category: current affairs, the beano
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Comment by Ursula
Made Thursday, 26 of June , 2008 at 7:20 am
AJ, desperate times call for desperate measures.
After a moderately merry early evening at my place a friend of mine asked me for a bottle of vinegar before we set off into town; mumbling something about just in case he was stopped by the police. Well, it takes all sorts, and I didn’t have the faintest idea what he was on about. Funny thing was his car broke down at the first traffic lights - so all four of us were repeatedly caught on camera whilst pushing the Beetle out of harm’s way - and the good J downing 100 ml of white wine vinegar.
It was hilarious to our eighteen year old selves.
And thanks for reminding me that my windows need cleaning.
U
Comment by Deborah
Made Thursday, 26 of June , 2008 at 9:45 am
Is vinegar supposed to help?
I’ve heard of sucking on a copper penny, or the old “Breathalyser tests are known to be unreliable and I would much prefer if I could have a more reliable blood test, if you’d accompany me to the nearest A&E” excuse. Supposedly by the time the A&E gets around to you your blood alcohol level will have gone way down.
Course you’d be best of just not driving! 
Comment by aj@lecraic
Made Thursday, 26 of June , 2008 at 11:33 am
@Ursula - classic!
@Deborah - I hadn’t heard of the vinegar thing at all - Windowlene with added vinegar just came to my mind!
