Viva Biffo?


Dear Brian, or may I dispense with the formality and call you by your proper title, Biffo the Bear with a sore head?

It can’t have escaped your notice that there’s a lot of doom and gloom about. That most lightweight of Sunday reading material, the Business Post, says today that solicitors are finding it hard to get jobs now, partly because the property market conveyancing gravy train has dribbled it’s last drop of the brown stuff.

This news comes on top of other reports that retail sales are down, manufacturing jobs are leaving the country in droves, vat receipts are down, the cost of living keeps going up – the list goes on and on.

As if all this wasn’t enough, you’ve just been given a swift kick in the nuts via the public’s rejection of the Lisbon treaty. Why, I wouldn’t be surpised to learn that you are reading this having downed the last drop of your fifth bottle of Whiskey since Friday in an effort to dull the pain.

Some might say that this killer kick was delivered to you because people are feeling a bit like Kevin the disaffected teenager who is just seriouly pissed off with life and feels the need to shout “I hate you” when things don’t go his way. It might provide you with some comfort to know that I don’t agree with this assessment. I think you got hammered because of basic cognitive science. I might write to you on another occasion with my thoughts on this subject, but I realise I am taking up your valuable time and I will therefore get to the point of my letter.

What I’m proposing to you Biffo, is something that’s not going to be popular and will get the Legion of Mary out with their rosary beads quicker than you can say Durex. You didn’t take the job to be popular so I’m sure you will give this your very considered thought. My suggestion is that you turn Ireland into the gambling capital of Europe. Yes, that’s the plan. We don’t have decent enough weather to sell sun holidays, so we should sell vice holidays instead. We’re already world leaders in the alcohol vice so we might as well go the whole hog and add gambling to the list of things we’re known for. Just pull all that money out of the National Pensions Fund (which isn’t exactly investing in lily white areas anyway) and build some casinos instead or go down the Public Private Partnership route. You’ve got lots of pals that love to take a flutter on the nags, so you’re “in” there.

Think of all the jobs, the swelled coffers, the ready made locations for Fianna Fail fundraisers. You have to admit, it is a rock solid idea and don’t forget – what happens in Clara, stays in Clara.

All my best,

le craic

Photo owned by roadsidepictures and adapted under a creative commons license


  1. Legalise Marijuana too… the profit would be incredible! If they can tax cigarettes by a few hundred percent, imagine how much they’d make off a few grams of weed. And think of all the money they wouldn’t be spending hunting, prosecuting and incarcerating petty users! Biffo becomes Spliffo. 🙂

    I haven’t seen the Apprentice finale yet. Long story. I have no idea who won, but as soon as I catch it, I will be back to read your final post on the subject! 🙂

  2. You’ll enjoy the finale! Incredible you’ve managed to avoid news of who won 🙂

  3. Urgh, I’ve been to Vegas, it’s a blight on the surface of an otherwise quite nice desert. The Hoover Dam is pretty cool though. So if you are going to get the country all casino’d up, do so somewhere that is already a bit of a kip. (yeah, OK Clara isn’t a bad suggestion in that context). Personally I’m willing to give Biffo a chance (depite fundamentally objecting to FF’s friedmanite agenda). He may be a bit of a clodhopper, but at least he doesn’t exude a slime trail like bert-bert. And he hasn’t tried to tell me he is a socialist yet.

  4. I quite enjoyed vegas when I was there but we did only spend 2 nights as part of a US West Coast tour. Grand Canyon was my highlight and Yosemite too oh, and sailing under the Golden Gate bridge – damn, so many highlights! You’re right about him not havving a slime trail though – I’m sure his heart is in the right place.

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