Apprentice Watch - Week 10 - The one with the Andrex puppy

Writing by aj@lecraic on Tuesday, 27 of May , 2008 at 11:46 pm

Week 10 and the 6 remaining candidates get their usual early morning call and told to meet at a breakers yard, where they are given the news that they won’t be selling bangers. No, no – only the best for the prospective Apprentices. Cue the sports cars which announced themselves as only they can – growling and roaring in all their shiny perfection. Michael wasn’t impressed and we found out later that he doesn’t like cars – is he gay or what? A guy not liking cars? Lee and Alex looked happy though. They looked so happy I think they wanted to hug each other, but they are too manly for that. Well, Lee is too manly –Alex is a bit metro sexual.

Helene, Claire and Lucinda didn’t convey much by way of emotion but emotion isn’t what we expect from the slab of bacon that is Helene. Claire can’t express a lot of emotion with those painted eyebrows of hers and the love of my life Lucinda is, well, looking more and more dazed and confused as the weeks have gone on.

Enough of the contestants though and onto the task. These sports cars are top of the range and although I could wax lyrical about each and every one of them, I won’t. Suffice to say that they are the sort of machines that get the pulse racing. Simply plonk them in the right location and watch the sales come in. The teams had a bit of a tussle over which cars to go for with Alex and Lee opting to go for the more expensive Zonda (and and Aston Martin) which had a £3,000 a day rental price. Michael, Helene and Claire had a Ferrari and a Spkyer. Although risky, if Alex and Lee sold one rental of the Zonda they would win the task – so the pressure was on for the two boys.

You’ll notice I haven’t mentioned Lucinda - she was on the team but dear god she has turned into a whimpering mess. She displayed some feistiness last week and it was evident again this week, but she broke down in tears when she was told to go and sell the Aston Martin herself. It was quite sad to watch a grown woman dissolve into a quivering mass of jelly like this, but I think she was deserted by Lee and Alex who were hell bent on getting a rental for the Zonda. In retrospect it was the right thing to do, but it didn’t really need two of them to do the selling – a bit of for Lucinda wouldn’t have gone astray.

Claire has come up my estimation. She can definitely sell. If I stick my fingers in my ears and not have to listen to her, and somehow avert my gaze from her eyebrows, I could possibly work with her. Helene tried her best but if you can’t muster any enthusiasm sitting in a pristeen sports car listening to the engine roar, then I think she might as well put on a Borg costume and join the cast of the next Star Trek film. She has the dead eyes to match as well.

I haven’t forgotten Michael - dear little mini “Sir Alan when he was younger” Michael. Having failed to drum up any business on a side street in Mayfair (I think?), he decided to head for Portobello market. Seeing the Ferrari pull in between a pile of rubbish and a market stall made me weep. It truly did. What did that wonderful piece of engineering ever do to deserve treatment like that. Unsurprisingly, Michael failed to see any time in the car. He did come close though. Spotting someone he thought looked “rich”, he dragged the poor man across the road to give him his sales pitch. Only it wasn’t a sales pitch so much as begging and badgering the prospect until he made his excuses and tried to leave. Couldn’t believe he actually followed the guy down the road when it was quite clear he didn’t want to part with £5k for a deposit, and who would blame him.

Alex and Lee seemed to be enjoying themselves all dressed up in their monkey suits. Alex seems to be a decent enough salesman. Lee was a bit like Sideshow Bob in this episode and I think he doesn’t stand up on his own and wasn’t much of a role model for Lucinda who decided “shadowing” him would be a good way to learn how to sell. Ah bless.

Boardroom now… High risk strategy pays off. Alex and Lee win the day (oh, and Lucinda was there too) with £12,000 in sales – £65 of which was Lucinda’s – yay for little red riding hood.

Rubbing my hands at the prospect of Michael going but thought that Helene would go. She put up a good defence. I thought Sir Alan was going to fall for those puppy dog eyes and trot out the old “you remind me of me, when I was younger” line. Thankfully he didn’t, and finally Michael was shown the door. Yess, I punched the air when he did that. God bless your cotton socks Sir Al.

That’s worth repeating – Michael was fired…. (and this is a really bad Photoshop job but it’s 11.41 pm now and I’m up since 6am this morning, and sleep is cutting the eyes out of me)

Still can’t see anyone else winning this now apart from Alex or Claire.

Puppy dog photo is owned by Tom Maisey and adapted under a creative commons license.

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Category: the apprentice

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Reply New @aj@lecraic - <blockquote>Great quote for a tee shirt Eileen with Michael's sad expression on it. Love it.!</blockquote>

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